{"id":43,"date":"2006-12-18T23:09:20","date_gmt":"2006-12-18T23:09:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/virtualchaos.co.uk\/blog\/2006\/12\/18\/why-cant-a-woman-be-more-like-a-man\/"},"modified":"2006-12-18T23:22:34","modified_gmt":"2006-12-18T23:22:34","slug":"why-cant-a-woman-be-more-like-a-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/virtualchaos.co.uk\/blog\/2006\/12\/18\/why-cant-a-woman-be-more-like-a-man\/","title":{"rendered":""… Why cant a woman be more like a man?""},"content":{"rendered":"

I can’t figure out women! What I did discover late this evening is that any proficiency in the martial arts affords one the unique ability to be able to put both ones feet in ones mouth at the same time! Anyway I’ve decided to come to grips with my inability to grasp how their minds work by trying to compare them to something familiar yet equally frustrating to deal with … and I didn’t have to look far … Pointers<\/a>! Interestingly if replace the word pointer <\/em>for woman <\/em>… it all starts to make sense!<\/p>\n

I suppose watching My Fair Lady<\/a> when I got home didnt help … but I did laugh my head off when it got to this song<\/a> …<\/p>\n

HIGGINS
\nWhat in all of heaven could’ve promted her to go,
\nAfter such a triumph as the ball?
\nWhat could’ve depressed her;
\nWhat could’ve possessed her?
\nI cannot understand the wretch at all.
\nWomen are irrational, that’s all there is to that!
\nThere heads are full of cotton, hay, and rags!
\nThey’re nothing but exasperating, irritating,
\nvacillating, calculating, agitating,
\nMaddening and infuriating hags!
\n[To Pickering]
\nPickering, why can’t a woman be more like a man?
\nPICKERING
\nHmm?
\nHIGGINS
\nYes…
\nWhy can’t a woman be more like a man?
\nMen are so honest, so thoroughly square;
\nEternally noble, historic’ly fair;
\nWho, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
\nWell, why can’t a woman be like that?
\nWhy does ev’ryone do what the others do?
\nCan’t a woman learn to use her head?
\nWhy do they do ev’rything their mothers do?
\nWhy don’t they grow up- well, like their father instead?
\nWhy can’t a woman take after a man?
\nMen are so pleasant, so easy to please;
\nWhenever you are with them, you’re always at ease.
\nWould you be slighted if I didn’t speak for hours?
\nPICKERING
\nOf course not!
\nHIGGINS
\nWould you be livid if I had a drink or two?
\nPICKERING
\nNonsense.
\nHIGGINS
\nWould you be wounded if I never sent you flowers?
\nPICKERING
\nNever.
\nHIGGINS
\nWell, why can’t a woman be like you?
\nOne man in a million may shout a bit.
\nNow and then there’s one with slight defects;
\nOne, perhaps, whose truthfulness you doubt a bit.
\nBut by and large we are a marvelous sex!
\nWhy can’t a woman take after like a man?
\nCause men are so friendly, good natured and kind.
\nA better companion you never will find.
\nIf I were hours late for dinner, would you bellow?
\nPICKERING
\nOf course not!
\nHIGGINS
\nIf I forgot your silly birthday, would you fuss?
\nPICKERING
\nNonsense.
\nHIGGINS
\nWould you complain if I took out another fellow?
\nPICKERING
\nNever.
\nHIGGINS
\nWell, why can’t a woman be like us?
\n[To Mrs. Pearce]
\nMrs. Pearce, you’re a woman…
\nWhy can’t a woman be more like a man?
\nMen are so decent, such regular chaps.
\nReady to help you through any mishaps.
\nReady to buck you up whenever you are glum.
\nWhy can’t a woman be a chum?
\nWhy is thinking something women never do?
\nWhy is logic never even tried?
\nStraight’ning up their hair is all they ever do.
\nWhy don’t they straighten up the mess that’s inside?
\nWhy can’t a woman behave like a man?
\nIf I was a woman who’d been to a ball,
\nBeen hailed as a princess by one and by all;
\nWould I start weeping like a bathtub overflowing?
\nAnd carry on as if my home were in a tree?
\nWould I run off and never tell me where I’m going?
\nWhy can’t a woman be like me?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

… ok ok I’m sorry … all this vitriol aside … I hope I figure them out one day! It just ain’t today …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I can’t figure out women! What I did discover late this evening is that any proficiency in the martial arts affords one the unique ability to be able to put both ones feet in ones mouth at the same time! … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[382],"class_list":["post-43","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal","tag-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/virtualchaos.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/virtualchaos.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/virtualchaos.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/virtualchaos.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/virtualchaos.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/virtualchaos.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/virtualchaos.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/virtualchaos.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/virtualchaos.co.uk\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}